Obviously, the solution to a failed acting career and depressing dating desert is to take up with a dimpled art thief, get chased by thugs, lie to the police and almost die.
That's not what Samantha Lytton thought would happen when she kissed the guy who said he was an accountant at the office Christmas party. But in her defense--it was an amazing freaking kiss. The kind of lip-lock that frustrates you in the wee hours.
Turns out, thinking with your nether regions can lead to poor decisions. Or perhaps…fantastic ones. Samantha and her burglar travel from Los Angeles to Vegas to Paris to London on adventures that bring Samantha's wildest dreams of stardom to fruition. After spending years falling on her face, she learns to fight for herself and her heart's desire. You can't choose who to love, but you can try to keep his cute butt out of jail and in your bed.
No matter where in the world you go, or how many hot movie stars you kiss (um, professionally), you never forget your first criminal. Hopefully, only criminal. Although bad boys with dangerous dimples are nothing but trouble, a relationship can still work as long as the goons don't get you. And if they do, well, at least an actress is good at improvization.
RAGNAR AND JULIET and RAGNAR AND JULIET 2: CONCUBINE BOOGALOO
Available exclusively in digital from Amazon.com
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RAGNAR AND JULIET, a romantic comedy space opera, is a lesson in why bounty hunting hot men can be terrible for a girl's health, but glorious for her everything else.
Bounty hunting is usually so easy. Flash a little cleavage, mix a roofie cocktail, and Juliet has her man right where she wants him: out cold, ready to be swapped for cash. Her passions are freedom, trashy clothes, and pie -- not necessarily in that order.
Hunky alien ship captain Ragnar doesn't deserve torture at the hands of the psychotic king who hired Juliet; he liberated one of William the Nefarious' illegal concubines. Juliet can't ignore such a noble act. She doesn't trust men, but this one, with the kindest smile she's ever seen, picks away at her resolve to stay aloof and clothed. He's just so... nice! Crazy she can deal with; sincerity is terrifying.
Before she gives in to her irrational urge to get a timeshare with him (and his cute tail), they're caught by the bad guys. Ragnar disappears and abandons her to her disgusting captors -- so much for togetherness. Perhaps he's not such a saint. Even worse, Nefarious William has nominated her for Concubine of the Evening. This dubious honor does not thrill her, and only a few hours remain before the king's mind control drugs obliterate her free will.
Sexual slavery might not be fatal, but Juliet would rather die. Of course, the third option (run away to a beach and hump Ragnar silly) is best, if they can live that long.
The Samantha Lytton Series
The Ragnar and Juliet Saga
The Shittiest Princess
THE SHITTIEST PRINCESS is a series of un-fair-y tales for the rest of us starring Princess Poot, the world's worst princess.
Her peers once mock-elected her Mayor of Loserville, but the surprisingly-haughty citizens of Loserville didn't want her any more than her home kingdom, Kingdomville, did. Princes leave her such poor marks on social media that the Black Death has more Instagram followers. Although she has yet to catch a handsome prince, a princess' only reason for living, Poot never gives up making new friends and improving the lot of Kingdomville's most lowly citizens.
Princess Poot, her friend-wife Agnes, medium-sized Moat Squid, and Benicio the Magic Mirror will star in a new story every Wednesday exclusively on PersephoneMagazine.com!